Why even consider bondage safety? Bondage plays the same role in sex as extreme sports do in athletics. Both go beyond the mainstream, pushing limits past the comfort level of the general populace. Both thrive on the adrenaline rush of feeling at risk and the lure of acting unconventional. And both are viewed as just a bit too wild or dangerous for “normal” people, many of whom secretly wish that they could be just a bit wilder themselves so that they could participate.
If you decide to play an extreme sport, you take steps to make sure you do so in as safe a manner as possible. The same is true if you decide to practice bondage: While the risks to life and limb don’t rise to the level of extreme sports, it’s nonetheless wise to make sure you practice it safely!
Here are four general best-practices for bondage safety:
Engage in Bondage Only With Someone you Know Well
Bondage involves one participant surrendering control to another. The control is usually physical, involving ropes or various types of cuffs, but may include mental elements of Dominance and submission as well. Does it make sense to give control of yourself or your body to a stranger? Maybe not! Only allow yourself to be bound by someone you know you can trust!
Having said that, some people hear a siren call from the idea of giving up control to someone they don’t know. If this is something you are into, take a moment to reflect on the risk for yourself and people depending on you and take as many safety precautions as you can. This could be having someone you know and trust present or a safety call of someone who knows where you are and with whom.
Communicate With Your Partner
Communication implies listening as well as talking! Listen especially closely if you are playing the dominant role, and use your eyes as well as your ears to listen. Watch for signs of pleasure and enjoyment, and be alert for signs of displeasure or discomfort. Observing your play partner’s breathing is a great indicator for how much further you can go. Check explicitly asking for a scale or pause-word if you suspect that your partner is not having fun!
If you are playing the submissive role, be sure to tell your partner if you don’t like something. Don’t feel obligated to put up with any activity if you aren’t enjoying it. Communicate any limits you want to set in advance, and repeat on the spot if necessary, so that your partner will know and can work within them. Be sure to set up a “safe word” that you and your partner can use to convey that they aren’t just acting. Be aware, that in BDSM ‘no’ is not a safeword.
Also, make sure that if you the robe bunny cannot communicate verbally, you have a physical safeword in place. This could for instance be a ball they hold onto and drop instead of saying their safeword. Be aware that verbal communication might not just be hindered by gags. Some people have trouble talking when they are getting panicky and are unable to say their safeword for mental reasons.
Never Leave Your Partner Alone
Many bad things can happen to a physically constrained person (suppose, for instance, that there is a fire), and if you’re not there to help free your partner, they won’t be able to help themselves. Ball gags are notorious for the potential of breathing problems, and it’s also possible for the restraints themselves to cause problems for the bound party. Therefore, be sure to never leave your partner alone if they are bound!
Always have a pair of surgical scissors handy to cut rope or some other device that you know for sure (as in: you tested it) will cut the restraints. Be careful not to chose a knife though – in the heat of the moment you might do more harm than good.
Know Your Basic Anatomy
Believe it or not, you can seriously injure a person if you are doing bondage wrong. You can tie of circulation, damage nerves, muscles and joints and worse. I don’t want to scare you off, just make sure you have some basic understanding of how to tie safely a knot.
As a beginner, don’t ever experiment with neck bondage. If you want to incorporate restraining the neck, chose a collar that is suitable for BDSM play – i.e. well padded and with at least a finger comfortably fitting in-between the neck and collar.
Stop if Things Aren’t Going Well
Always remember that the goal in bondage is for both participants to enjoy themselves. If someone’s not having fun, you’re doing it wrong. Stop! Perhaps you just went too far, too fast. Or perhaps you have found an activity that your partner truly doesn’t enjoy. In either case, free whoever is bound, and then have a conversation to understand what went wrong and how to correct it in the future.
These four bondage safety best-practices apply across all types of bondage scenarios and activities. Following them will help get you started in the right general direction towards a safer and happier bondage experience. However, there is much more to learn and discover if you’d like to bring bondage into your bedroom!
