In the BDSM/kinkster scene, you will encounter the term “primal” as a self-definition.

“Primal” means animalistic, primarily in the (sexual) relationship.

In the BDSM scene, people often discuss the role definitions in advance when it comes to the upcoming meet-ups. When it comes to “primals”, it is more something a little bit more which happens between people. People who define themselves as “primal” let things happen, something that’s earned rather than a game being played.

Things happen because (sexual) partners won’t restrain themselves, but instead let the primal layers of our brain decide what happens during sex and courtship. It’s a choice not to apply certain restraints when it comes to primal urges.

Obviously, sex is more intense if you decide not to restrain yourself and with that come the scratches, bruises and “carpet burn”. This is the appeal to those into sadomasochism.

Naturally, there are roles and distribution of power and in that case, it appeals to D’s and discipline and the fact that animals are sometimes being defined…

It does however differ from it because of the fact that the “game” has not been established as much and there are often also less whips and cuffs involved.

More often, it involves hands who grab whatever they want, grab that hair, have nails that leave scratches, teeth that bite and a belt once in a while.

When it comes to love, “primals” are sometimes a bit more difficult to tame as well.

Despite of some people experiencing a full primarily monogamy, there are others living a polyamorous life when it comes to relationship anarchy.

Take Note

Just like almost every other label, there are  several opinions and considerations regarding this label which need to be discussed. This depends on what you want to create, and just like any other time, you’ll see within the group that certain labels will develop in which people will feel comfortable.

• “Prey and Predator”

This really explains the dynamic already. Prey is being consumed. A predator plays a bit with his/her food but consuming the relationship is the main priority and as a prey you understand that it does not primarily involves your satisfaction (so it should be your kind of thing to satisfy the other).

• “Mate”

A mate is someone you mate with. A “mate” is a partner relationship which also focusses on mating. Within that you will form bonds and relationships which will last even after hot sex. Because of that, a “mate” can also turn into a “matey” or a friend and turn into a loving friendship.

• “Pet”

A pet  is just that,  and also gets treated like one. When it comes to this, it concerns a “pet” who is being fucked under certain circumstances. It does not carry the weight of being a “partner”.

If you do decide to explore primal play, it can be a sensual and fun time for everyone – give into those basic urges (don’t forget to establish those safe words!) and explore a different, more spontaneous type of kink ;).

Sonja is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She's on a mission to free people to revel in their true sensuality by removing the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja writes about first steps, ditching the shame and how to combine kink and 'normal' family life. She's a mother of two.


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